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Have you ever felt like you have too much stamina? Does it seem like you last too long in bed? You might suffer from delayed ejaculation.
Delayed ejaculation, or impaired ejaculation, is a condition that makes it difficult to orgasm even with sufficient stimulation. The Mayo Clinic says this condition can come and go, or be a life-long issue.
“Possible causes of delayed ejaculation include certain chronic health conditions, surgeries, and medications. Treatment for delayed ejaculation depends on the underlying cause.” -Mayo Clinic
It can also be caused by unhealthy masturbation habits and mental blockers. Luckily, we’ve got some tips and tricks to make sex better for you.
If this is something you're experiencing you should look into different treatment options, some you can do yourself! There are exercises, courses, and therapeutic routines you can begin today. Read on for 4 ways you can start coming faster during sex and eliminating your sexual issues.
But first... would you like a more personalized treatment solution?
The Lover app helped 94% of men struggling with Delayed Ejaculation
or scan the QR code below
1. How are you masturbating?
You probably have a reliable way you get yourself to orgasm, and you might find this is difficult to replicate during partnered sex. Using the same masturbation techniques on yourself can negatively program your brain and body to expect this same stimulation as vigorously and thoroughly in partnered sex. It’s like rehearsing for a play that you’re never going to be in.
For example, using a hard grip on your penis while you masturbate can be detrimental to your ability to orgasm when you want to while having sex. This term has been coined by doctors as the “death grip”, which is the path to the dark side.
Another masturbation technique that therapists caution against is prone masturbation, which is usually self-stimulating while lying face down and grinding your genitals into something below you.
Why should you stop prone masturbation? Similarly to training your body with a death grip, prone masturbation can train your body and brain to expect a type of stimulation that cannot be replicated in partnered sex. Such as the roughness of the object below you or the pressure put upon your genitals by the force of your body.
You might find this is pleasurable, but unless you are engaging in kink play with a partner, you may find it difficult to orgasm during a more “vanilla” sexual encounter.
Generally, you’ll find that sexual therapists warn against doing any extreme techniques to excess. Variety is the key to reducing the difficulty of orgasming. Change things up and practice a new grip, touch, speed, and use different stimuli.
These changes will get your mind accustomed to a broader range of sexual stimulations. In the long run, this should make it easier for you to climax when you want to.
2. Focus on the bodily sensations and not orgasm…
This might sound counterintuitive, but when we only focus on the outcome we want to reach (orgasm/climax), we can actually make it MUCH harder to reach orgasm. It becomes more and more frustrating the more you try to orgasm the more difficult orgasming becomes.
It’s like when you’re super tired, and desperate to fall asleep - you usually end up taking way longer to fall asleep because you are fixating on it instead of relaxing!
Having thoughts that distract you from orgasming, or make you feel anxious to orgasm can also affect this. You may want to check in with your own mental health, and see if anxiety is causing you to feel pressure to orgasm and consequently, keeping you from orgasming. Here are some tips.
Let’s refocus your senses and put your attention on the sensations of the body. Easy to say, harder to do right?
There is a technique called TTP. This stands for Touch, Temperature, Pressure. When you are engaging in sexual activity, but still in your head - just pick any one of these sensations and focus fully on it.
Ask yourself these questions to help you recenter your attention on pleasure, and not on orgasming. You might find yourself getting what you want without knowing it!
3. What are your turn-ons?
Do you know what turns you on? Not the easy stuff, we mean the new and exciting discoveries that get you going. For some people, it’s tapping into a sexy thought, or maybe talking dirty to their partner. For others, it might mean some kind of power exchange or group play.
Whatever it is, don’t be ashamed.
Finding out what keeps you interested in sex will be good for you and your partner. Let them in on the secret. Most likely they’ll have turn-ons that they want to share with you in return - and this can help move you towards the sex you both want.
If you’re feeling awkward about the conversation - try out the Turn Ons game in the Lover app. It is basically Tinder for your turn-ons. Connect with a partner, swipe right and left on hundreds of ideas, and uncover the ones you’re BOTH excited about trying (without revealing the ones only you are into!).
4. Reduce stressors
Just like getting caught up on the goal of orgasm, being stressed out from work, family drama, or general life can make orgasming difficult.
We know you've probably tried some classic "de-stressing" activities like watching TV, playing a video game, or getting drinks with friends. But those things are temporary relief, and sometimes those stressful thoughts and feelings come rushing back during sex. We suggest focusing on creating space between the regular stresses of your day, the easy relaxing habits, and sexual intimacy.
That might mean taking just 10 minutes to meditate between work and your evening. It might mean reading a book for half an hour before your partner gets home. Or perhaps it means hitting some golf balls at the range. Try to do something that centers your mind and body together, even working out can help!
You can try multiple different relieving activities, but make sure you do it before sex or when you hope to get lucky. It'll help you focus much more fully on the experience you're having and help you reach orgasm more quickly and with more control.
All of these tips combined should improve your sex life and make cumming easier for you.
Don't give up, you got this.
The Lover app helped 94% of men struggling with Delayed Ejaculation
or scan the QR code below